When I left home on a spontaneous 3 month adventure…
I spent a lot of my time just thinking, I learned so much about myself and people in General. It’s given me a whole new perspective on life.
I now have an overbearing fear of the future, the good kind of fear, the kind that will always have me doing my best just in case the bare minimum isn’t acceptable any more… I can’t stop to think about the future because it scares me, what may or may not happen in years to come terrifies me as everything has the potential to go wrong as much as it has the potential to go right… but I believe that fear can help me live the present to the best of my capability. I try and yet I forget, I almost fail, I remember and I try again. I think this cycle must continue until I remember never to give up, it is so easy to just give up, but we’re no longer taking the easy route, are we? No, we are not!
There were certain people in my life, who when I talk to them, I am drained. Their conversation drains me of energy, hope and happiness. Even if the things they are saying aren’t very heavy, the manor in which they say them and the energy in which they release them can be heavy, negative and draining. Soul sucking, tears in my eyes – I can no longer feel happiness (for at least 24-48 hours) – draining conversation. Demanding, selfish people with the ability to make you feel guilty for doing no wrong, people who demand your time and sympathy but give you nothing in return. If I was to sum them up in one word, it would be “draining”. You will notice that even their vocabulary is negative, so that when they say something good/kind it is never convincing. Energy and good vibes are wasted on them and when you have no energy left to give you are in the wrong. I am slowly but surely, cutting these people out of my life.
There is also the kind of people who can not see the thin line between playful slagging and blatantly insulting, they can be as bad sometimes but I can not shut them out of life as I don’t think they are all bad. I can only hope that my new somewhat positive attitude can rub off on them and I do believe it has in some cases.
Then there are some people in my life, who I can sit and talk to for hours, about anything, whether it be about car insurance, music, food… from the interesting to the mundane… I think the topic of conversation does not matter but it’s the energy you throw back and forth. Always. Like I’m reminding my cast, if we do not go in with a positive attitude, buzzing with energy, we can not bounce that energy around our lil’ black box theatre and mid way our play will flop. It’s all about Energy. These people, who can take my energy and throw it back at me in their own little way, for minutes on minutes or hours on hours, months on months and years on years… Those who can disagree and debate something out without killing the energy, those who will read my blog and not judging me for saying what I feel when I feel it, those like Anis Mojgani (please click here for enlightenment) who make you want to do animated air punches after listening to him and the energy he releases through his poetry, those who can man up and say what’s on their mind and in their heart. Those who after talking to them you just want to get up and DO something, listen to music, or play your guitar or write a song or learn some lines or ask someone out on a date or pamper yourself or come online and blog about it!! Those are the most important people in my life and I hope that energy, their energy, our energy, lives on.
God Damnit, life is what you make it! Start again and make it something beautiful!! S x
This is a #throwbackpost from my blog before the makeover and deleting other previous posts. It’s nice to know that even three years ago, I had some idea on how to live. I hope I come back from this adventure with such positive energy. Tell me what you think…